So I read these in February's Glamour issue. (yeah i JUST read them--little behind) They're for Valentine's Day cards:
1. To my childhood crush: You were so gorgeous when you were 11. If you got bald and fat, I don't wanna know about it.
2. Faster and a little to the left, please. Your left, my right.
3. To my best guy friend: I love your mind, but that's it.
4. Thank you for lying about how my butt looks in that dress.
5. I'd love you even more...if you used Listerine. (ugh that's the worst)
6. Hey hot stuff: Wish you weren't gay. Happy Valentine's Day!
7. Honey, if you want to see me naked, turn up the thermostat!
8. Hi, cute pharmacist! This should clear up by Saturday. Wanna go out?
9. No, I won't get back together with you, but i'll take the roses.
10. To my favorite girl friend: Too bad you're a girl, bc you're the one i love best.
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